Time Capsule # 60: On setting boundaries, fuck you money, and more
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Welcome to my Time Capsule project, where I save and reshare old pieces of writing, art and other creations. The purpose behind this project is so that created pieces don’t live and die by the algorithm, without forcing creators to be on the hamster wheel of creation. Want to join? Drop your item into the time capsule here to be displayed in the newsletter! or join the stream of consciousness & time capsule discord where we recursively reflect on different topics.
topic: why setting boundaries isn’t just a personal action
In this instagram reel, creator mahamaven talks about her experiences learning how to set boundaries with work. In short, she was working at a competitive internship when her mom found out she wasn’t home by 9pm, beyond the available shuttlebus to get home. Her mom encouraged her to set boundaries and explain her situation. She pushed back, worried that she’d be fired, and her mother said, if you get fired, we’d come pack you up and bring you home.
First point: I agree with the central message of this post.
I am fully behind setting boundaries, especially with work (so often assuming that you have to give your life to it), especially for UNPAID WORK (screaming that this was a THING and people were staying up until TWO AM).
Second point: I thought about whether I could have made that same choice, to go back to a manager and say no, at each step of my journey.
… It really wasn’t until the last few years that it would have been possible. Sometimes, I would have been fired. Sometimes, I did speak up and I was fired, or iced out and eventually let go. Or just not included. No more opportunities.
Not only that, but because I had been estranged from my family with no close friends or relatives, to be fired meant the possibility of homelessness or hunger. I can set this boundary now, but only because I know I have friends I can crash with if I’m in an unfortunate circumstance, that I was able to save up an emergency fund for unpredictable situations.
I think about how she was able to a) do an unpaid internship and b) have this experiment of setting this boundary because she had family who would 100% support her if she made this choice.
Final point: We see setting boundaries as an individual skill to build, but so often it comes from building community and having the resources to leave at all.
Sometimes it’s money: I remember seeing Lucy Liu’s interview where she talks about having “Fuck You Money”, which gave her the financial freedom to walk away from decisions she didn’t want to make.
Sometimes it’s family, community: a couch you can crash on, a family to pack you up, etc.
Sometimes it’s someone on the team to back you up: such that the worst case scenario never arrives, and the boundaries are honoured. Or heck, could we dream of a day where that’s just the norm? That she never would have needed the conversation at all, that we don’t expect people to stay to 2am, that we accommodate different needs proactively? Can a girl dream?
hop down the rabbit hole?
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[2] on sick notes
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[11] so I tried air frying rice roll dumplings - wish I could embed youtube videos really
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~ to the last edition? ~
time capsule #59 - I'm thinking about shrimp chips
Welcome to my Time Capsule project, where I save and reshare old pieces of writing, art and other creations. The purpose behind this project is so that created pieces don’t live and die by the algorithm, without forcing creators to be on the hamster wheel of creation. Want to join?
and if you like pressing buttons
Thank you for the love! It prompted me to return here. Happy weekend!
Thank you for mentioning my post!